#108: Make time.

We all get 24 hours in a day. We get to choose how we spend it. We get to choose who we spend it with. 

We choose - choose wisely! Choose with intent and passion. Choose with your heart and your brain. Choose with a sense of adventure and spontaneity. Choose with enthusiasm and curiosity. Choose for your health and happiness. Choose for YOU! 

#107: A mother's heart never stops growing.

Since today is Mother's Day, it seems only fitting that I should teach you something. Today's lesson is that you will NEVER fully understand how much I love you. I am amazed myself that my heart continues to expand...sometimes it feels like it will just burst...and my love for you will NEVER stop growing. All I can say is THANK YOU.

Thank you for accepting that I'm not perfect.
Thank you for making me stronger than I ever imagined possible.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for recognizing my strengths.
Thank you for trying your best.
Thank you for making me proud.
Thank you for showing me what fun really is.
Thank you for constantly reminding me what is truly important.
Thank you for your questions.
Thank you for your inspiration.
Thank you for following directions.
Thank you for pressing my buttons.
Thank you for pushing boundaries.
Thank you for your creativity.
Thank you for helping me feel important.
Thank you for being kind.
Thank you for snuggling.
Thank you for the continuous compliments.
Thank you for understanding life isn't always fun or fair.
Thank you for allowing me to be your safe place.
Thank you for loving each other.
Thank you for all of my hugs.
Thank you for all of my kisses.
Thank you for all that you will become.
Thank you for following your heart and being passionate.
Thank you for giving back and knowing how to help others.
Thank you for your flexibility.
Thank you for your ability to be friends with everyone.
Thank you for recognizing that our differences are our unique strengths.
Thank you for accepting help.
Thank you for smiles and laughter.
Thank you for EVERYTHING...
...most of all thank you for BEING YOU!

You make me better. You make me stronger. You make me want to be wonderful. You make me proud. You make me thankful everyday for my many blessings. I can't imagine a world without each of you. Our family is perfect...and my love for each of you will NEVER stop growing. THANK YOU!

#106: Lent Reflections - Week Six - EASTER

Lesson - Watch out for hollow Easter bunnies.

This final week of Lent has continued to open my eyes to setting priorities.

I kept my gym appointments, even with our busy schedules and other commitments. We replaced our dishwasher, even though I really want to buy a couch. It's all about priorities...

I hope you go to church and can feel like the pastor is talking directly to you. It is an amazing feeling. I don't get it every week...but usually if I can calm my heart and really ask for God to show me how I can learn, I will hear it...today it was crystal clear. I went to the outdoor sunrise service (6:15am) with a neighbor/friend and it was a perfect morning. Crisp but not cold. The music was beautiful. I think I'm safe to estimate that there were hundreds of people there to hear the good news that HE IS RISEN. I've heard this message many times and in many ways...but I specifically asked God to show me what He needed me to learn to carry forward as my Lent journey came to a close...and He did!

The homily today was about a hollow Easter bunny. As Father David started, I couldn't help but ask my friend - "are you serious?" She knows that I've been on a personal journey to rededicate myself physically, emotionally and spiritually during Lent and I couldn't believe how perfect this message was as the finale. He explained that we need to seek what's above and stop reaching for the hollow Easter bunnies. Stop reaching for the fat, sugar and empty calories that may taste good for the instant - but will only leaving you wanting more. He went beyond the obvious to layer on all of the external "things" that motivate us - furniture (have I mentioned how bad I've been wanting a new couch for our activity room), clothes, unused exercise equipment, toys, etc. My mind was racing with examples of my hollow Easter bunnies...all of the things I WANT...none of which I NEED. We must focus and make decisions based on priorities that are centered on our life with Christ. We must learn that external motivators only make us more hungry and that the only thing that can leave us feeling full of peace is God and his ultimate sacrifice for our sins...thereby making the ultimate promise of everlasting life.

So, as we move forward from this Lent season, may we remember our lessons and continue to build each other up. May we express our love. May we not fear our future. May we set priorities with our faith in mind and may we always be on the lookout for hollow Easter bunnies...

Happy Easter Kiddos!!!

I love you.

Mom

PS: for what it matters - I prefer solid chocolate Easter bunnies anywas! ;)

#105: Lent Reflections - Week Five

Lesson: Listen and He will provide answers.

I've often wondered if what I'm doing is right. Not like what I'm doing is bad, I'm a decent person...but is it right. Am I following the correct path. I find myself wishing it were as easy as putting on my God headphones whenever I needed a recharge, but this week I learned that it IS! We just need to learn to listen and answers are everywhere. This week I listened and He told me in so many ways that I'm going the right way.

I'll share one: I just joined the gym and signed up for a personal trainer. I made a 12-month commitment and it took me weeks to sign the papers. I've been contemplating this move for years - but since I kept having babies it was never the right time. Well, now I know it is the right time. I believe God puts people in our lives at exactly the moments we need the most - we just have to be willing to listen.

I made my way to the gym for my first Zumba class since going on this new path and as I was waiting for the class to begin a woman came up and started talking to me. She was so sincere with her words - and for those that know me, you know this is all it takes for me to make a friend...and so I did. She asked if it was okay for her to tell me something and I quickly said yes. She went on to tell me the following..."I'm 71. Don't wait until your 60s to love yourself. You are here. You have started. You must continue. You are the ONLY one that can love you as much as you need to be loved." and then she continued..."well, except for God...but he can only love you if you love yourself and he wants to love you!" I had to pick up my chin from the ground. Thank you God for continuing to send messages of your love for me and acknowledging my choice to love myself. She said one other thing that was beautiful - "human souls are fragile. If you see someone that you feel compelled to talk to or to share your story with, DO IT. Don't wait. We just never know."

This Lent season has been packed with learning to be gentile, health scares, big decisions, finding myself, asking for help, loving myself and most importantly listening.

I hope you will always be listening. Allow yourself to be still. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to help others by helping yourself. Allow yourself to fail and be gentile as you get back up. Allow yourself to LOVE yourself. Allow yourself to hear God's answers.

#104: Lent Reflections - Week Four

Main Lesson: High Tide vs. Low Tide

I spent much of this last week preparing for a weekend away with one of my best girlfriends.

Mini Lesson: I have found that we need all types of friends. We need casual friends/acquaintances who give us smiles or a quick hello in passing. We need hang-out friends who like to do the same things we do and are willing to do them. We need situational friends who are experiencing similar journeys - struggles/successes and are open to share wisdom. We need long distance friends who can manage the stress of a long distance friendship. We need neighbor friends who talk at the bus stop and invite you over for coffee or for a walk. We need church friends who can inspire you with Faith. We need BEST friend(s). I am blessed to have several people in my life that I would consider best friends. I have learned that these people can change as we change and that they might not. Don't discount what every person you encounter does for you. I believe every single person is exactly where they are supposed to be to teach us, help us, inspire us, guide us or even to scare us. It is amazing what each person can bring to us when we are open to receive.

So, I digress...we went to Amelia Island this past weekend - specifically Ferdandina Beach. A few months ago my girlfriend suggested that she come down so that I could get away. This is when you know you have a true friend. She knew that I needed a break. She could tell that I was at a breaking point. Isn't it funny how the timing of this trip worked out - or perhaps not funny at all but God-inspired. When we planned this trip, I didn't put it together that it would be in the middle of Lent or that I would be making this reflective journey. I didn't know that I would have a health scare and have to truly take time to consider my life and my most basic goals. I didn't know that I would be feeling a bit out of control and tired beyond belief - and somehow it was the PERFECT time for this trip to happen.

We arrived and got settled into our beachfront condo. I immediately felt a sense of gratitude. For friendship and for my husband who never gave the trip away a second thought. He is so generous, especially to me. Sometimes I forget or take for granted all that he does and it was a reminder I needed. We decided to go into the town to walk around and to grab dinner and as we were going in and out of shops, one of the shop workers was sharing shark teeth hunting secrets. Talking about searching for shells during LOW tide. Well, that got me thinking...and thinking and thinking...LOL

One of the definitions of High Tide is a culminating point. This is where I am. So much has happened over the last several months as I've been seeking for personal growth/inspiration and God's plan for me. It is truly amazing. But at the same time, I can't fear the coming Low Tide. One of the definitions of Low Tide is the lowest point of decline of anything. I've accepted that our lives have High and Low Tides...it is how we manage them and the people we choose to have in our lives can either help us or prolong us from reaching our goals. In this season of High Tide, I am carefully watching everything come together - learning how to swim WITH the current - toward my goals instead of avoiding them or running away with fear. As the tides change, I will try to cling onto my friends (of all types) to help me keep the course...with their help and my choice to react positively - my Low Tide won't be so low next time...

#103: Lent Reflections - Week Three

Lesson: Examine your darkness - find your light.

During Lent we are charged to examine ourselves. Often this means looking at our darkest moments. Moments where we weren't the people we want to be. Moments when we took the less desirable path. Moments when we let our wants sabotage our needs.

There are many types of examination. This week I had a forced examination - my annual physical. This appointment made me face some of my biggest fears...not being here to be your mom. Recently, I had a health scare and as usual I justified causes and self diagnosed to get me through the days...however, I knew I had to share it with my doctor and so I did. It takes a tremendous about of courage to face your demons - for me my ongoing body image issues are one of my biggest demons. I have struggled my whole life with acceptance of myself and loving myself for me. For believing that I deserve to be healthy and to make myself a priority...so to sit in a doctor office and share my health darkness one step at a time - completely terrifying...but I did it! Long story short, the doctor explained that my self-diagnosis was off (in her words, "Nice try Dr. Ross") and she believes I had a mini stroke a few weeks back. Just like that I felt the lights go out. Yep, complete darkness. So many questions. So much regret and feelings of complete shock. Shame. Disgust. Nausea. Fear.

But as I sat there and waited for the nurse to bring in my blood panel and MRI order, I prayed...and guess what I found...my light. My faith. My God was right there with me. He provided me with a warning (and this time I got the message loud and clear) that my life MUST change. I must be better at being Me so that I can be better for You and for Him.

And so it is...when we examine our darkest parts, we can find the light. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a cave. Perhaps you can relate - I remember going to Mammoth Cave on a tour and at one point the guide turns out the lights and it is complete darkness for just a few seconds. So dark that you can't see your hands inches away from your face. It is actually terrifying...but just when you start feeling out of control your eyes are drawn to a flicker of light. It is instantaneous. Everyone is looking at the same light. simple match. In the immensity of a cave - one tiny spark has the power to capture the attention of all...remember this when you feel completely dark or when you take a minute to review all of the darkness in your life. In every instance - there is a light. We choose to look at it, follow it, become a part of it, provide it for others, etc...or not. I'm challenging myself to continue looking for the light as we look for answers...and I'm thankful the He will provide. Prayers are welcomed and much appreciated as I recently got my blood results back and all is normal - MRI scheduled for Friday...

#102: Lent Reflections - Week Two

Lesson: During the process of self discovery - nothing is normal. This week was as ordinary as any week. No big plans...just the weekly routine. But, this week I had many more questions than answers. It seems as though when we give ourselves time to experience normal - we can be truly confronted with what normal actually is.

I've had many normal weeks. You can imagine our schedule - daily school, bus stops, grocery trips, meals planned and cooked, budget conversations, laundry, cleaning and the list goes on and on. But this week, I was full of questions. Questions about my purpose mostly. Who am I? Who do I want to be? How will I get there? I've been so anxious all week - not in a bad way, but anxious for answers. I've had to calm myself down. I've had to breathe deeper. I've had to slow down. I've had to realize that this normal week created abnormal opportunities for growth.

Friday was a great example. Actually, it started on Thursday late afternoon. I looked outside and noticed that our pool pump was not working. For all of our non-pool-owning-readers, this gave me that sinking $$$ feeling in my gut...I immediately made the call to get a technician out and they could either come Friday morning at 8am or next week...so I took the Friday morning without too much hesitation.

I remember I was getting clothes out of the dryer on Friday morning when Dave came in to tell me goodbye and I broke down. How am I going to get everything done by myself this morning. Bus with Edwin (assuming I can get him awake, fed and dressed in time) at 7:40am, pool service 8:00am, Lyla to school at 8:45am. Writing it down makes it seem more feasible than it did in my head that morning. I was consumed with anxiety and fear that I was going to let someone down. Either I wouldn't get Edwin to the bus or I wouldn't be able to get Lyla to school on time - and I forgot to mention that she was line leader on Friday and I promised we'd make her class fresh chocolate chip muffins for the snack - so baking had to fit in the schedule too. Or perhaps I wouldn't be there when the technician arrived and he would leave without fixing the pump.

Or...or...or...or...do you see the pattern?  So normal to go down this path of what ifs. So normal to feel like a failure before you even attempt to be a success. So normal to know that you can't do everything. So normal to try to be everything to everyone and realize that you're one person. But, just when things seemed so normal and I started down this normal path - I stopped and realized I'm not alone. What ifs don't get us to why nots. I may only be one physical body - but I have a team of support in every situation...from God in my heart to a husband that believes I can move mountains to kids that think I'm superhuman 99% of the time. I was able to back up and choose a different path at that moment. I slowed myself down. I prayed for assistance and acceptance...and guess what - everything got done. Edwin made the bus. Our pump motor ended up having to be replaced, but was mostly covered by our warranty. Lyla's muffins made the whole house smell delicious. Lyla made it to school and was overly excited to be line leader for the day. Point? Nothing is or has to be normal. Turn it around. Choose to make it something new. Why not?

Another beautiful thing happened on Friday. Since our morning had been so rushed and Fridays are generally my day to hang out with Louie, I decided that we would go to Starbucks and get a treat to celebrate getting everything done. Louie was excited - he is addicted to cake pops and knew that I'd cave to his lashes and get him one as a post breakfast snack. However, as we drove toward Starbucks, he asked if he could get his friend Harrison a balloon. As background, Harrison is one of Louie's favorite friends and he had been sick all week - missing school. We drive past Harrison's neighborhood on the way to Starbucks and as we did, Louie made his request. I asked if he'd rather do that than go to get our treat and without hesitation he said YES. I had to ask several times because I couldn't believe it. What 2-year-old do you know that would 1) make this request and 2) turn down a cake pop to make someone feel better? As you can imagine, I wept - quietly from the front seat, so that he wouldn't think I was sad. What a lesson and I thank God for using my little man to teach me. See, nothing is normal. As we left the balloon and cookies on the porch for Harrison and his family, I was so inspired. Everything is normal about putting other people first - especially in my life as a mom, wife, daughter, friend...but nothing is normal when God uses the typical to put your heart back together and show you how extraordinary you really are.